first post

i need a personal blog for only myself. i dont write in my diary enough and i dont talk to everyone about everything i would like to because well they just simply wouldnt care enough about how much i want to whine. i just dont get who i am anymore. ln asked me if im happy and i said idk. and i just really dont. i dont know what there is to be genuinlly happy abuot when im at school. little things make me happy like a moment driving to school by myself with appy music, but like im not happy with my friends because i have like 2 that i see, ever. and like boys just like ew no. im fat. im ugly. im soo fat i really need to shed 20. and its like. my personality and reputiation and hwat im known for being is just so different and skewed here and it makes me pretty sad and dissapointed in myself. like i dont know if people like me. idk what they think im actually like and i have no idea how to change that. i like not going out. i feel better about myself.its just going to get to the point that i need to start seeing other people while sober. first step finish my community service hours im such an idiot like just fucking go there right now and stay for 5 hours faggot. i have no self control and power and confidence. and im going to try to work on it. and this whole entry wasnt even talking about like...ndr. he sucks. ml suckssss. i dont like either of them and by that i mmean i stilll definitely like him and will until i find someone i like just as much. i wish i could listen to myself when i say i hate him but i only hate him becauase i cant have him. its such an annoying situation and i just wish we never happened. uGH. i will be productive today and shower and be at pets inc by 1. starting now.