merr weekend over. so proud that i didnt go out once this whole weekend. including tues and thurs. tomorrow it will count one week without drinking! go meeee. and i just have no desire to drink either. ive been talking to gwen all night. just love her so much and talking to her is my favorite. and she is my inspiration to stop eating so much crap and just lose weight already. she lost so much and made the biggest trransformation in her life and now is soo happy with a boyfriend and getting into tulane and blahbahlbh. funny cause shes always been the one to look up to me and now i just look uip to her and hate myself. college ruined me. who am i? like.. i dont make sense. i confuse myself. i want to go back to who i was sophomore and junior year. little and happy and innocent and like people looked at me and liked me. and i liked my life and myself. its so sad to say but i think the first step is honestly losing weight, working out, and eating healthy. it sounds so simple and easy and i just think that i need to spend majority of the time by myself and avoid social eating with shnn. and if i just go to the gym everyday i will be set because ive always been little and have potential so i should be fine if i start running again. but once im happy with myself i will be able to make friends and socialize and be confident and have fun. its all so simple and i just need to take control. im just going to try to think about the outcome more as opposed to all the little details in between. and imgoing to continue writing in this because it willl help me to reflect upon myself and not worry about who im talking to. except i feel most confortable talking to gwen. like LN is so hard to understand shes just in love with her boulder life and everything there and im just depressed and ugh it just doesnt match up. everyones happy. i suck. this is going to be a great week and i cant wait. im going to plan my meals for tomorrow
--gym at 9. greek yogurt with bluebs, clemms, apples, cereal.
--- coffee, yogurt and apple from colloqs
--------chicken with veggies and teryake sauce
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